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Rain Protection Fit For The Wicked Witch Of The West

Posted by Columbo
May 13, 2008

This isn’t even a particularly good shot, but you can still tell that the guy on the right in this photo has enough umbrella for about six people. We don’t want this to turn into a Seinfeld routine (“have you ever noticed…”) but seriously, what is the deal with enormous umbrellas?

If the rain is really coming down, blowing sideways, you’ll still get wet. And if it’s windy, you’ve got more surface area trying to get away from you when it hits your umbrella just right. Many DC sidewalks are too narrow for you to pass by someone with one of those umbrellas, and in our experience the person with the huge umbrella isn’t particularly careful about whomever they’re inconveniencing.

Compare a person with the huge umbrella to this next style of rain gear (courtesy of Achenblog):

A trench coat and fedora might not keep you as dry as the huge umbrella, but sometimes style has to win out. Is there a cooler look than this? Plus your hands are free for smoking, protecting your lady, getting freedom fighters out of Nazi controlled territories…the list goes on and on really.

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Comments
Comment by Mr. T in DC on May 13, 2008 @ 9:24 am

It would be nice if real men’s hats made a comeback, not baseball caps but fedoras and other pre-WWII styles. They’d be very practical in misty, drizzly weather when it isn’t raining hard enough to make it worth deplpoying an umbrella.

Comment by PQGirl on May 13, 2008 @ 9:40 am

I agree completely. The sidewalks in some parts of PQ are not wide enough for people with umbrellas so large they look like tents. I was hit in the head with the umbrella of another pedestrian yesterday, because her umbrella was so large you could have housed a small Haitian family underneath it.

So, to those of you carrying enormous umbrellas, may I ask why?

Comment by dave on May 13, 2008 @ 10:08 am

I carry a big umbrella, mostly because I’m tall and usually carry lots of digital non-waterproof equipment in my satchel that I don’t want wet.

Usually I walk down less-traveled streets in the neighborhood, so I don’t pass many people. If I do pass someone, generally I just raise my umbrella and they can go underneath without incident.

You do bring up a pet peeve of mine: pedestrians in DC tend to stay in their lane despite oncoming traffic. Groups of 3 or more people in conversations sweep the entire sidewalk on their way down, forcing me to walk in tree boxes and the street. Is this some sort of DC power trip not to give oncoming pedestrian traffic a lane to walk in? Hello! Much more annoying, and it happens rain or shine.

Comment by KCinDC on May 13, 2008 @ 12:23 pm

Without a big umbrella, how are you supposed to pick up umbrellaless hotties huddled under awnings waiting for the rain to let up by offering to share?

Comment by i live here, too on May 13, 2008 @ 12:34 pm

I am so glad you brought that up, Dave! I have noticed the same thing, but I’ve never said anything because I didn’t want to be unecessarily critical of our fair city or to sound bitchy. I thought that it might have to do with oblivious tourists failing to yield. I just try not to take it personally.

Comment by bruisedlee on May 13, 2008 @ 12:48 pm

Many IT companies give out the giant umbrellas with their logos, which are supposed to be for golf. That’s where I got mine. I didn’t know they were so offensive to people, so I’ll stop using it. Now my umbrella isn’t even PC….when will it all end??!?!?!

Comment by pqresident on May 13, 2008 @ 1:10 pm

I carry different umbrellas depending on the conditions. the golf umbrella comes out when I know the rains are going to be really heavy, a driving wind is present or I’m toting around a laptop that needs to stay dry. also for golf although I’m a fairweather golfer.

but, I am courteous when passing others. all it takes is some sense of who’s around you and the will to lift or move your ‘brella to avoid hitting someone. it’s all fun and games until someone gets an eye poked out.

the fedora idea looks interesting and Bogart is one of the best actors ever so I could get behind that.

Comment by Mark on May 13, 2008 @ 4:24 pm

I usually just put my hand up to gently move the offending umbrella out of the way. My hand is much more suited than my face for this sort of task, though I’ll admit my face sometimes gets into the act ’cause, if I remember, I’ll smile brightly as I do it.

Comment by Elaine on May 13, 2008 @ 4:51 pm

When it is not raining, the umbrella is great protection for #5′s issue. I carry it in the left hand with the point sticking forward and I walk to the far right like a good pedestrian. Then I walk with a swinging motion. It is amazing how folks don’t try to pedestrian joust when you have a “weapon.” Only once has a woman smacked her hand on it. She was walking on a LARGE sidewalk three abreast and I would have literally had to jump into rush hour Mass. Ave. to avoid her. It was like she was on a power trip and didn’t think I would leave my umbrella there.

Comment by dave on May 13, 2008 @ 7:00 pm

Elaine, what a wonderful strategy! I’ll have to employ it (with an obvious pause during this Police Week when I’m passing the semi-new Dunkin’ Donuts). Of course, you should have shown the proper awe: if I were a woman walking three abreast, I would be on a power trip, too! (Or at least demanding my own holiday on the Hooters calendar.)

Comment by PQ Guy on May 13, 2008 @ 10:42 pm

(1) Large umbrellas are foolish. They serve no purpose except to indicate someone: (a) doesn’t know what the hell a golf umbrella is for; and (b) is too cheap to buy a normal umbrella.

(2) Where could I buy an old school fedora? I suspect Macy’s might have a tiny collection, bit is there anywhere that someone knows of where I could pick up a “Boagrtesque” fedora?

Comment by PQanon on May 14, 2008 @ 1:17 am

So let me get this straight….what is the proper diameter of an acceptable umbrella?

I agree that a golf umbrella is too large, but how far must we comply to please everyone?

Comment by Anon on May 14, 2008 @ 6:28 am

PQanon-

I don’t think it is a matter of a “proper” size. Umbrellas typically come in three sizes–small, large, golf sized. Only one of those three options belong on a fairway rather than a downtown sidewalk.

Here is a hint: if your umbrella opens up large enough to keep a volkswagon dry, and it also says “Ping” or “Titleist,” then it is too big.

Comment by LA in the PQ on May 14, 2008 @ 6:59 am

For #11, go ‘head ‘n get that fedora! Try Hats in the Belfry (Alexandira, VA or Annapolis, MD) or the Proper Topper (Dupont or Georgetown).

Comment by Columbo on May 14, 2008 @ 9:05 am

Being a fedora aficionado, I will say skip proper topper. What might have once been a hat store is now more like a candle/stationary store with 3 or 4 hats also for sale.

I’ll give hats in a belfry a try, there used to be a great hate store in Union Station, but it shut down a few years back. Typically my non-baseball hats have come from Filene’s or other such outlets of mens goods.

Comment by johnson on May 14, 2008 @ 10:15 am

I typically use a large Umbrella and will continue to do so when there is medium to heavy rain. I prefer the large umbrella because I want to minimize the amount of water on my clothes. With small umbrellas my back and whatever bag i’m carrying get soaked. Also, If I have an important meeting (internal or external meeting) first thing in the morning I’m NOT walking into my office soaked. Sorry. However, I will say that I am polite. I walk very fast and tend to pass people a lot. In passing I always lift my umbrella or move over to avoid hitting someone or their umbrella.

Comment by Columbo on May 14, 2008 @ 11:03 am

Mrs Columbo reminds me that my last decent fedora (decommissioned after the recent deluge) came from, of all places, a hat seller at the VA Wine Festival last year. While they mostly sold cowboy hats, they had a couple of fedoras & bowlers. Not the highest quality hat, it still withstood about a years worth of rain & snow before having to be tossed out.

Comment by dave on May 14, 2008 @ 12:59 pm

Columbo, I bet you’ve found Mayor Fenty’s next reform issue!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/03/AR2007010300622.html

Comment by joe on May 14, 2008 @ 10:08 pm

it’s like silverware at a dinner – large umbrellas are for golf courses, small umbrellas are for the city, & medium-sized umbrellas are for small towns. only a bell-shaped force field will keep your body dry; that’s what raincoats [macs] are for. to keep your laptop dry, put it in a bag – that’s what laptop bags are for.
it’s really pretty simple :-)

Comment by jason on May 15, 2008 @ 2:23 am

As long as people are mindful of their weapon I could care less what size umbrella they use. Do people really obsess over this? I guess this is the east coast :)

Also, the comments about raincoats is valid, but still. And if you all are this upset over people’s improper use of large umbrellas maybe you should write umbrella makers and ask them to include an umbrella etiquette guide. Everyone in D.C. isn’t from the east coast originally and arent familiar with the “rules.” And I’m pretty sure umbrella etiquette isn’t the first thing on their mind when purchasing one.

Comment by Anonymous on May 15, 2008 @ 7:30 am

I can’t believe a conversation about ‘umbrellas’ has gone on for this long…. Is it really that serious??

Comment by joe on May 15, 2008 @ 10:57 am

oh & rubbers to keep your feet dry! or galoshes :-)
maybe it is an East Coast thing, but then again, the population density here is fairly high, which makes etiquette & polite behavior all the more important. in Japan, they have umbrellas that are half the size of our small umbrellas; anyone using a golf umbrella in a city – not a golf course for which it was designed – is ostracized.
umbrellas & bumbershoots – etiquette & getting along while living in the middle of 6.5 million people – what could be a more important topic?

Comment by PQanon on May 15, 2008 @ 11:04 am

This blog is hysterical. I agree with number 21…DC is just WAY too rule orientated.

Stand on the right side of the escalator, don’t do this, don’t do that…very regimented. Your umbrella is too small, too big..blah blah.

I am temporarily out of Dc and visiting San Diego…it is refreshing to be out of the “regime”. Lighten up and quit worrying about the small stuff. Life is way too short for such garbage.

Comment by dave on May 15, 2008 @ 1:10 pm

I agree #21. Let’s talk about SUVs in the city — what’s up with that?!? One person or two people driving something that could hold 8 comfortably, 10 uncomfortably? Hello, are soccer moms part of the PQ demographic? And the way they block the view for everyone behind them — how rude!

Picture Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn on a Vespa. Now *that’s* style.

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